Okay, I’m dead. Now, where am I?

Tweet GraveyardYep, it’s all over.  I vaguely remember a traditional funeral with dirt and preaching and people I don’t remember standing around crying.  Black dresses and black suits…are those skinny jeans?  Yeah, some things are beginning to come back a little.  I know I had left instructions for cremation.  Who didn’t want to honor my wishes?  Did I have a wife?  Children?  Funny, I don’t remember, but I’m not worried about not remembering.  I am strangely relaxed.  I guess I don’t have any rigor mortis.  Ha. ha.

Well, I wonder if I am in heaven or hell.  I am looking around me for angels and harps or fire and devils. None of the above.  It really seems like kind of a soothing, swirling light gray color.  God, I hope that’s not the top of my casket!  Oh, no, it couldn’t be.  It wouldn’t be moving like that.  Sort of like smoke.  Uh, oh.

I’m looking for my hands, my arms, my chest hair that I was so proud of.  (Women thought it was sexy.). Well, at least I’m sure I am a…was a man.  I don’t see another part of my body I was even more vain about.  It seems all covered by  the smoky swirls.  I feel very sleepy.  Think I’ll take a nap.

(Wakes up)  Oh, that was a nice, refreshing nap.  Entry and exit are very tiring.  ?? Where did I get that?  And how long did I sleep?  An hour?  A year?  A century?  I don’t know.  The swirling stuff eddying around me looks a little lighter, and maybe a little more translucent.  I think I see things moving around in there.

I guess I had another nap.  I see some colors now, gold, green, gray.  I smell something.  Smells like an old fashioned wooden match going out.  Uh, oh.  But I hear water.  Rushing water.  It makes no sense.  I think I should be worried, but it just doesn’t seem like the effort.  Like Doris Day used to sing, “Whatever will be, will be.”  Doris Day?  How old am I?  (was)  The name M & M comes to mind, but that was a candy.  I see many black men…Bruno?  Jayzee?  Usher?? No that must have been someone assisting at my funeral.  I can’t put that one together.  Oh, well.

Someone is shaking me awake.  Oh, my God, I’m wearing a nightgown.  I am embarrassed in front of this woman.  She is wearing a nightgown, too.  Doris Day?  Oh, no!  It’s my ex-mother-in-law!  I am in hell!

But she looks different.  Younger.  Slimmer.  Smiling.  Don’t think I ever saw her smile before.  She had sort of a growly face all the time.  She is pointing to a cabin by a river.  There is a campfire, and people around it, apparently cooking fish.  It smells good.  I see tall green trees around the cabin.  Someone has planted a flower garden beside the cabin.  I know nothing about flowers except you go buy them at the florist when you forget your anniversary.  But I do know.  I see some white and red roses, and a tall yellow one on the end.  Lots of carnations.  Violets around the base of a maple tree.  How do I know this?  I don’t know this, and yet I do.

cajun cabin cropped

I must have been asleep again.  Mother-in-law gone.  Cabin gone.  Where now?  A mansion.  Big, elegant brick mansion, snow on the ground, Christmas decorations.  A beautiful child plays in the snow.  I know who she is.  “Who killed you?” I asked her.  She looked up at me, puzzled.  “I was a bad girl.  Mommy punished me.”  Things swirled.

I am in a book-lined room with Samuel Clemens.  “You don’t want to know,” he said.

She was singing in that perfectly pure voice, the voice of an angel.  She sang my favorite, “Dream a Little Dream of Me.”  “Did you really?”  I asked.  “No, not at all.  I was obese and I had a heart attack.”

And then there was a redheaded guy, a tall one with a funny hat, and two girls, one blonde and one brunette. They are dancing and laughing.  I hear and see a Sugar Shack. ” I thought you were cartoon characters,” I said.  “We are whatever you want us to be,”  said Archie.

It went on and on, this carousel of people, places, things, ideas, facts, fictions, and peaceful naps in between.  I haven’t seen God or the devil yet.  I don’t know when or if I will.  I don’t know what will come up next.  It is like the Internet.  This is eternity.

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